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Material ya'll:
1 can chickpeas, drained
1 tbsp nutritional yeast
Dijon mustard
Horseradish mustard (or, ya know, just horseradish)
Onion Powder
Garlic Powder
Salt
Pepper
A few drops of lemon juice

What do:
1. Blend chickpeas in a food processor for a couple seconds until kinda chunky, not hummus smooth or anything.
2. Add remaining ingredients to mashed chickpeas in bowl. Mix together.
3. Eat as sandwich with romaine lettuce between wheat bread. Or eat straight outta the bowl, I dunno, I'm not gonna order you how to eat your food, man.

About 10g protein by itself. Add sesame or sunflower seeds or another tablespoon of nutritional yeast for more.

Approximate cost of extracting and replacing my left front tooth with a tooth implant:

$2800

I have never had to pay this much for something outside of my college education. But my only other options are a bridge-crown, which would require shaving down a perfectly healthy tooth, or a flipper, which is a pretty temporary solution. This is a long-time investment that should last about 40 years (as opposed to the 10 year lifespan of the bridge-crown). There's little to no risk involved with an implant in that specific location. So I'm very willing to take this route.

I used to think there was nothing about my past I would change. But honestly, if I could go back and time and tell my ten-year-old self to tie her damn shoelaces so she didn't end up face-first on the pavement, I would. These two front teeth have cost my parents and I way too much money.

On the bright side, the company approved me and sent me my stomach medicine for free in the mail. So there's one less medical cost to worry about.

I guess I better follow up on that radiological bill soon. :/

I have no idea how I'm going to afford a car at this point. Maybe after my research internship this summer? Groceries are also costing way more than I'd expect, since we are a household of four.

I need to file my self-employment taxes. I need to get a credit card.

I'm applying for a credit-type card for dental stuff to spread out the implant payment. Not a lot of hope for that since my credit history is non-existent and my mom's sucks. Might as well try, and once they reject me, I'll go to my credit union and try to get a loan.

Have to quit volunteering, since McNair has stuff going on Friday afternoons. Might try it again another semester, right now I just don't have room for it. With that experience and therapy, I learned something pretty valuable: I definitely do NOT want to go into counseling.

Apparently my school has free yoga classes Mondays and Wednesdays at 5pm, definitely going to try those out.

I'm learning to cook. It's not going terrible. I made myself fish and rice and green beans the other day for lunch. Turkey burgers a few nights before.

Honestly, I'm pretty grateful for all I have right now. I don't even mind riding the bus that much anymore. Finances are just really stressing me out.

The only good endings are quick, clean endings, and there are few of those. Most relationships die slow, agonizing deaths over time. There's no one moment you can pin down to explain exactly what happened. You look back and it's a stream of moments, one ugly edge blurring into the next one.

For my health*:
1) Exercise for 20-30 minutes at least 3 times a week
2) Practice yoga once a week
3) Start bringing my lunch to school (to save money..)
4) Read at least one leisure book a month
5) Work on creative projects for at least 30 min a week

For next semester (over winter break):
1) Get my driver's license
2) Buy a used car
3) Apply for a credit card (to build credit.. probably will use for gas)
4) CLEP out of Math


*These goals will increase as time goes on, starting out slow.

Ugggh. I want to do more. I want to be productive. I don't want to be keeled over from stomach pain every day. IBS freaking blows. I went to the doctor, and he tested for gallstones and h.pylori and it was neither, so I'm pretty damn positive it's IBS. He told me to cut all dairy out of my diet and then come back for a follow-up appointment in a few weeks. Well, I already know dairy causes problems. So I'm also taking an acid reliever (which he mentioned putting me on an acid blocker next), and doing major revisions to my diet. I've switched to soy milk. I bought an IBS cookbook and I'm going to try planning out my meals. I need serious self-discipline, this crap is HARD. I need to cut out dairy, red meat, and fatty/fried foods completely from my diet. I'm sticking to drinking water and tea. All my meals need to have soluble fiber (rice, potatoes, whole grain bread, pasta, tortilla, ect.) as a main component. Somehow I need to add a lot more veggies and fruits-- but I need to eat my veggies cooked, and citric acid causes me problems (so I'm stuck mostly eating bananas).

I'm trying to view this optimistically. This is a chance to learn to cook, to take control of my health. I'll certainly be healthier than most of America. I need to start getting exercise, too. I guess I'll start walking after dinner on days I'm not at school.

I had to quit my retail job, it was too much on top of everything else. I feel like I'm failing, I can barely handle my 4 classes and internet job and PRIDE and my (every other week) volunteering and my social life and I want to do so much MORE. I need better time management skills. I wish I didn't feel the need to sleep so much. I haven't even started trying to get my license yet.

I started therapy at my school's counseling center. It's long overdue. Hopefully she can help me sort out all my crap. :|

I don't know. My life is really good. I'm just overwhelmed and at the same time feel like I don't have any right to feel that way. There's so much more I need to get done.

My current plan: find a job, keep said job until I graduate (I NEVER want to go through this much trouble looking for a crap job again). Get my license this upcoming semester, invest in a used car next semester. Live at home until I graduate to save money. Do Americorps for a year, then pursue a Masters or PhD. Focus on volunteering, internships, and research these last two years of college.

This semester:
- 12 hours, all Tues-Thurs classes
- Work approx. 20 hours a week (I hope)
- Volunteer at Texas Runaway Hotline
- Take driving classes
- Vice President of GLBTSA (to be renamed PRIDE?)
- Psi Chi
- CLEP out of General Mathematics

I remember in high school how one could easily take on multiple leadership roles in multiple clubs... ha yeah that's not happening here. I think I know my limits pretty well now and I'm pretty sure all I have planned for the fall is more than enough to take up my time.

I would be in better shape if I'd already invested in a car and getting my license. But, what's done is done, hopefully I'm more ready to drive now than I was then.

Need to take my IBS more seriously. This is not a temporary thing, it is permanent and I'm finally realizing I cannot afford to cheat on what I eat. I'm going to start paying close attention to my diet now, and maybe starting a food diary again. Foods I need to seriously avoid: milk, too much meat, too much cheese, onions, anything spicy, soda, alcohol, caffeine.

It's so much harder to motivate myself to do anything when I don't have anything I have to do. :/ I start the Texas Runaway Hotline classes next week, and I have an interview the week after. I can't motivate myself to write, to update my new blog, to study for the CLEP. Uggh. Here's hoping I get the job.

I've come to peace with having two more years of college left. I don't need to graduate early, and I don't need to stress about rushing through things. I'll use these two years to explore my options and I won't rush straight into graduate school.. I think it's more important I know exactly what I want to do. And that I knock out some of my student loans, hence Americorps.

I'm in a very artsy mood. I just wrote some poetry. I'm sure it sucks but the important thing is I'm writing again, and for my own pleasure.

I need to go to a play or an author reading or something. Soon. Today my family is stopping by a comic shop for comic books (free comic book day whoo!) and going on a picnic.

Part of this is the relief from being almost free of school for the summer, of finally having TIME to focus on stuff besides school. Part of it is the realization of what I want out of life.

I don't want a phD (at least, not right away). I don't want a high-stress job, so I don't really want to go into School Psychology, either. I'm tired of competing to prove myself (to who, who knows). I'm ready to live my life for me. I want a regular 9-5 job. I want work where I'm helping people and making a difference, but that I can leave for the most part, at work. I want the majority of everything I do to be intrinsically motivated. I want meaningful relationships with other people; good friends and, one day, a family. I want free time to work on my creative projects and other hobbies. I want a peaceful yet fulfilling life in line with my values. Where I can look back and know I helped other people and still gave attention to my inner world. Accomplishment measured not only by products, but by how happy I am and how happy I make others.

So this summer I'm going to focus on earning money and my hobbies. And when I go back to school, it won't just be about academics. I'll give more attention to extracurriculars, to building leadership skills. I'll volunteer and do internships and take on leadership positions. And maybe by the end of next summer, I'll have figured out what I want to do for a career. I already know what to do with my life.

To Finish Off the Semester:
- Literature Review
- Final SI session
- Prepare persuasive speech (outline+powerpoint)
- Exp. Psyc final
- Global final

- Complete promissory note
- Apply for Texas grant

This summer:
- Find and keep job
- Get driver's license
- Buy a car
- CLEP out of math
- Start learning Spanish
- Volunteer somewhere?
- Creative projects (TCC or TU or something)
- Read more books for fun
- Decide what I want to do with my life


Real life is kind of getting in the way of the whole life thing. I don't feel like I have time to adequately prepare for and figure out what I want to do for a career. Especially since I plan to go straight from undergrad to grad school, most likely for a Master's degree. Ugh. It's one thing reading about a career, it's another getting actual experience related to it. I really should have made better use of last summer. But I guess I didn't have the people skills to do much of anything then anyway.

It's life it took until I was 21 for my actual life to start.

Let's get down to the quick and dirty:

- I am dropping Cultural Anthropology.
- I don't think I want to go into research. I am seriously considering going into School Psychology.
- Investing in driving + a car next year would probably be a much wiser decision than getting an apartment.
- I need to make more friends and get out more.
- Learning Spanish is a must I will start on ASAP.
- This summer/next semester: need to CLEP out of College Mathematics.
- My stress level must be brought under control for the sake of my physical and emotional well-being.

( And the long and slow version, if you are so inclined to peruse it. )